ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So vagazzling was a success
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
