i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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