While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
