he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
