yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
