My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
