omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
