i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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