he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
