No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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