sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
