ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
