I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
this is an emotional support booty call
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
