Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
These tits shall not be calmed
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
