I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
3pm strippers are depressing
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
