Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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