One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
