at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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