i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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