this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
