All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
