On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
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