the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
