I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
