Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
