they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
