I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
