3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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