i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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