If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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