i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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