toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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