I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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