She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
