i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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