Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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