I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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