I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
