The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
