i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
