Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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