He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
