I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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