Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
