You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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