So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
