I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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