just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
