I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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