My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
