It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
