i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
