I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
