I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
