We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
