I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
