I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I want to have your abortion
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
