Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
