I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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