His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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